Unkind Dresses

Those of you who know me well know my terrible secret:

I

hate

to

shop

for

clothes.

I take that back. I don't hate it.

I loathe it.

Perhaps, then, you can appreciate the effort it took for me to go out today to find a dress.

I wanted a nice dress.

A pretty dress.

A graceful dress made of natural fibers.

What did I find?

Unkind dresses.

Homely dresses.

Awkward dresses made of polyester.

Who said it was okay to make dresses out of polyester???

And, no, I wasn't shopping at WalMart.

I went to Macy's.

I've had much luck there in the past.

It is pointless for me to buy anything other than Petite sizes. I've tried it in the past. I just look like I'm a little kid wearing Mom's clothes.

I think the buyers were smoking crack when they decided to foist this crop of petite dresses off on unsuspecting vertically challenged shoppers.

I actually found myself in a dressing room trying to choose which dress was least ugly.

LEAST UGLY???????????

I slapped myself and left.

I'll wait until the mean dresses go away.

Meanwhile, I'm going to practice my flute...

...in my pajamas.